Slipping into Oblivion
by EmeraldCityTourist
Summary: A horrific incident occurs and a handfull of small pills help Billie forget about it temporarily. The pills are now her savior, the sole reason she lives. But Billie is falling hard and fast, and the sisters may not notice until it's too late.
1. Young And Aspiring

**First off, thanks for checking this fic out. This is Billie-centric, but I honestly think that you will like this fic even if you don't care for Billie, so please give it a fair chance.**

**READ THIS: I want to warn you: I rated this teen because the bad scenes are not _horribly_ graphicBUT this is a _very heavy _teen fic. It deals with rape and substance abuse among other things. If you continue to read this story, please don't flame me because I gave you ample warning. Other than that, enjoy. :)**

1x1x1x

Billie Jenkins knocked open the door and proceeded to tear her room apart looking for her Psychology book. She had a midterm in ten minutes and she had slept in accidentally after a particularly long patrol for a low-level but un-ignorable demon the night before. Finding the textbook under a jacket on her bed, she rushed out of the room, almost forgetting to lock the door on the way to class.

1x1x1x

Emerging from the classroom, the blonde leaned against the building's wall, closing her eyes and lifting her head to the sky. She had bombed the test, she knew it. Phoebe may have been the one with the power of premonition, but Billie had left over half of her essay blank, as well as a quarter of the questions, and she knew that she was screwed.

Trudging back to her dorm room, Billie kept her headphones on all the way and ignored the few people that attempted to engage her in conversation on the way. She caught a glimpse of a girl in her Psychology class, Jamie or Jackie or something. J-whatever had given her a flyer for some party to celebrate end-of-midterms. Billie attempted a weak smile and had thrust the paper in her bag before continuing on her way. She had no time for social pretenses; she had more important things to do.

She was in the middle of flopping down onto her bed when her cell phone rang. She groaned as her head hit the pillow and answered it.

"Hola, chica," said the voice on the other end of the line.

"Hey, Paige. What's going on?"

"What a girl can't call her friend up to see how her Physics midterm went?"

"Not when said friend doesn't take Physics, no."

"Um, Pysch?"

"Bingo. And, your call begs the question, 'Is there a spell for time reversal so I can go back and actually pass this time?'"

"Oh, as if that doesn't have 'Personal Gain' tattooed on its ass."

Billie made an incomprehensible noise, something between a groan and a laugh, and surveyed her walls. She really needed more music posters or pictures of people in general on there.

"So, Matthews, considering you didn't even know what subject the test was in, what is the real, _real _reason you called?"

"I was calling to let you know that Piper is looking for you, and she doesn't look too happy. Oh, my hunk is here, gotta go."

Before Billie could ask about Piper, Paige hung up to greet Henry. She closed her eyes and rolled over to her side, falling asleep before she knew it.

1x1x1x

Billie woke up a few hours later with a cell phone-shaped red mark on her cheek. Rubbing her eyes, she sat up and squinted at the clock. The numbers glared at her, screaming that it was five pm, and that she was once again late for her potion-making lesson at the Halliwell's house. She grabbed her purse and headed out the door, yawning.

When she arrived at the house on Prescott Street, the blonde opened the door with her usual vigor. She may have been tired and a little freaked out about Piper being mad at her, but she learned at a young age that it was almost impossible for her to subdue her energy, so she didn't try. She bounced up the stairs to the attic and found Piper and Phoebe at the Book of Shadows, flipping through the pages.

"Hey guys," she said.

Phoebe jumped at the sound of her voice- she was easy to surprise when she slipped into deep concentration over demons.

"Jesus, Billie!"

"Nah, Jesus had to go home, it's just me," Billie quipped.

Phoebe gave her an odd look, the joke practically making a whooshing sound as it went over her head. Billie quickly uttered a "never mind" and walked over to the Book.

"So what's up?"

"What's up is that you're late, and now we don't have time to make a potion for," Piper looked at the demon in the Book, "Dzyak."

"Yeah, sorry about that but I had my midterm and then I accidentally-"

"Billie, I don't really have time to hear what you did, because the fact that you _didn't _get here when you were supposed to threw off our plan."

Phoebe shot a warning glance at Piper, and half-smiled at Billie, trying to make her feel a little better. Billie ignored Piper and asked what Dzyak's deal was.

"Well, he's pretty much like Barbas but he feeds on human weakness instead of fear. He finds a weak spot and amplifies it, causing the victim to self-destruct," Phoebe explained. At the look on Billie's face, she quickly explained, "Not literally _explode, _but you get the picture."

"Oh. So let's kick his ass."

"Yeah, well, we _would, _if we had the ingredients for the vanquishing potion," Piper said pointedly.

Billie cringed, but knew there was nothing she could do about it now.

"So if you guys don't need me then I guess I'll just…" Billie let the sentence hang, inching to the attic door that she was pointing to.

"Mmm, nice try sweetie. This is the stuff you need to get for the potion; we needed it like, yesterday, so get it to us early tomorrow morning." Piper handed her a list of ingredients with at least fifteen different items on it.

Billie took the list and glanced at it.

"Piper, I can't get these five downtown."

"I know, you're going to have to go over by the Sunset District for it."

"What? Piper, that's like over three hours away!"

"Well better get going then."

**Updates are regular, once a week, most likely every Wednesdays because that's what today is. Reviews are "fab". :)**


	2. The Party Scene

**Warning: Rape** **in here**!

* * *

Billie was in her room with her stereo on full blast, so she didn't hear the knock at the door until the person behind it started yelling at her. She opened the door to find Jamie standing there. To say Billie was surprised would be somewhat of an understatement. Jamie was nice enough, and like Billie in some ways, sure, but Billie hadn't exactly gone out of her way to make friends with the quirky red-head.

"Hey, Bill. What's goin' on?" she grinned.

"Um, nothing really. How about you?" Billie asked, not attempting to mask her confusion.

"Just checking up on you. Seeing if you're going to the party tonight. It looks like a good time."

"Party?"

"Girl, I gave you a flyer after the midterm," Jamie said, rolling her eyes and smirking. "Okay, whatever, you don't remember. Here." She grabbed a random passerby who was looking at a hot pink flyer while walking down the hall and grabbed the paper out of his hand. "Thanks kid," she turned back to Billie and thrust the paper at her.

Billie took it and read out loud, "Party like it's 1999," She snorted. "Well this kid could use some imagination. And a calendar."

"Come on, Bill, who cares about the invite, it's going to be kick ass, I promise."

With that, Jaime walked into Billie's dorm and opened her closet, pulling out random articles of clothing. Billie couldn't help but smile. Jamie was so eccentric that it was almost impossible to get angry with her. Anyway, with all her witchy duties, maybe this party was exactly what she needed.

"Okay, I'm in."

"Perfect," Jamie turned around, holding an outfit out for Billie. "_This _is what you'll wear tonight, and I'll meet you here at seven, which means I'll meet you here at seven thirty, because I'll be late."

2x2x2x

Billie entered the Halliwell Manor slowly, not wanting to wake Chris and Wyatt because she knew they would be napping. She walked into the kitchen and was met by Paige, who was bent over her laptop intently.

"Bill, do you have _any _idea how to book flights online?" she asked, not looking up.

"Um, yes, but you, my friend, happen to be a whitelighter, which comes with this nifty little participation prize called 'orbing.'"

"Duh. Henry's flying out to Nevada to meet up with some college friends, and I don't think they're used to people appearing in swirls of white lights. Or are they blue? I can never tell when I'm the one doing the orbing."

Billie ignored Paige's question and walked over behind her, taking the mouse from her hand. She showed her how to book the flight in five minutes and got a lollipop for her efforts.

"A lollipop? I wasn't aware that I resemble a four-year-old at the dentist."

"Yeah, well I kicked the habit cold turkey a few years ago, and with all this 'public transportation,' I slipped and bought one."

"You might want to see someone about that issue, Paige. Do they make patches for this kind of thing?" Billie asked, popping the red lollipop into her mouth.

"I hear they're in the production stage right now. But there's always gum," Paige grinned.

"Paige, I wanted to ask you a really big favor."

"If it involves a blind date or the consumption of a Jawbreaker whole, forget it," she answered.

"No, no. See, I found out that I could order those herbs for the vanquishing potion over the phone, but I have no time to go get them. I'm sure they're in the storage area for me to pick them up, but I can't. And they'll be put back on the shelf if I don't get them by tonight, which is completely impossible for me to do."

"Honey, I can't go get them for you, I have a million things to do."

"No! Okay, my thought was that maybe you could just… orb them here from the store? Before you say no, I already paid for them, so we aren't stealing."

"I don't know, Billie."

"Oh come on, you orb things to you all the time. It will take five seconds. Please?"

"Alright, but if Piper gets mad, I accept no responsibility whatsoever."

"Deal," Billie grinned as the herbs appeared on the table. She grabbed them and left the house, to get ready for the party that night.

2x2x2x

Billie wasn't drunk. Not at all. Well, maybe a little. Just tipsy, nothing more. She grabbed another drink and took a gulp of the liquid, enjoying the slight burn as it slid down her throat. She walked into the sea of people and started dancing with herself. She had lost Jamie hours ago, but her friend didn't matter at the moment. In fact, the only thing that did matter was the guy at the edge of the dance floor, smiling at her.

She made her way over to him and introduced herself, and he to her. His name was Cal, and apparently he had seen her on campus before. Billie replied that she would have noticed someone like him, but he informed her that he had never gathered up enough courage to ask her out, so he hadn't seen her up close until just then.

"It's kind of loud, do you want to go somewhere more quiet?" she asked.

"That's exactly what I was thinking."

The two students made their way up the stairs and down the hall, where Cal introduced Billie to his friend, Parker. Billie shook his hand and got distracted by a couple leaving the bedroom. After a moment, Cal tugged on her arm, his conversation with Parker over. Billie followed him into the recently vacated bedroom and sat down on the bed while Cal stuffed a bag in his back pocket.

"What's that?" Billie asked.

Cal grinned and pulled the baggie back out.

"Pretty much the best performance-enhancer out there, babe. You want some?"

Billie sighed. "No thanks, I'm not into that stuff."

"Come on, Billie, it's alright. Just this once, alright? It'll be sweet."

"I don't know."

"Tell you what, you take some now, I'll get you some next time free. They're great for studying. I swear I aced my midterms easy with this shit."

"Really?" Billie asked, thinking about the exam she just bombed.

"Yeah, come on, I'll take some too."

"Yeah, yeah, okay. Just this once, I guess."

"That's my girl."

Cal took out two pills and handed one to Billie, who swallowed it dry. Nothing. Cal sat down next to her, brushing some hair out of her eyes. He leaned in towards her and whispered her name. When she turned her head, his lips brushed against hers. Soon, his kisses became more and more feverish, and Billie lay back down on the bed, Cal moving on top of her. He moved his lips down to her neck, concentrating on the soft spot between her throat and her collarbone.

His hands moved up her back, tracing patterns over her skin and causing her to arch her back upwards, sighing. He moved upwards, lifting her shirt over her head and immediately moving down to her belt when that was done. Realizing what Cal was doing, Billie put her hands on top of his, stopping him. He took his mouth off of hers and looked at her.

"What?" he asked, slightly out of breath.

"I can't do this."

"What?" he repeated, annoyance creeping into his voice.

"I can't have sex with you, Cal."

"Yes, you can," he replied, pushing her back down onto the bed when she tried to sit up.

"No, no I won't Cal. Let me up, now."

Billie focused on Cal's chest, attempting to throw him off of her, but her powers were suppressed by the amount of alcohol in her system and the pill she had just taken. Her hands started to shake, and her eyes grew wide as she realized that she wasn't getting out of this situation. She moved her hands to Cal's stomach, hoping to claw at him and inflict some pain, but she looked down and saw not only a six pack, but an ugly bulge in his jeans. She tried not to be sick and closed her eyes to regain her composure, trying to think.

She reopened her eyes as she felt Cal's weight shift on her body. For a tenth of a second, her heart leapt in relief as she thought he was getting off of her, but he only sat up, straddling her hips with his and pulling off his t-shirt, and reaching for his belt again, this time ignoring Billie's protests.

_Help._


	3. A Rush of Blood to the Head

**Blah, is this update a little late? (Time-wise, not day-wise) Either way, you readers are awesome, keep up the good…reading. –silence- Thanks for sticking with me, and here you go!**

3x3x3x

Billie woke up slowly, blinking in the light streaming through the windows. She stretched, but stopped when she felt something in her fist. It was a note.

_Dear Billie,_

_Thanks so much for last night, I had a great time. You were fantastic, especially when you really got into it after a few minutes, though I think that may have to do with the boost I gave you beforehand. Either way, you really made this party worth showing up to, maybe we can hook up again sometime. See you around._

_Cal_

Billie swiftly leaned over the side of the bed and vomited onto the floor, tears falling freely out of her eyes as she recalled the night before. She spotted a small, square shaped piece of plastic wrapping on the floor- a condom wrapper. Unfortunately, Billie remembered seeing a couple in there before she went in, so she had no way of knowing who the wrapper was used by. Thinking of this made her sick again, but she ended up dry heaving as she had emptied the contents of her stomach before.

She retrieved her underwear from the floor and pulled it on along with her shirt and pants. She moved up to the headboard of the bed and started shaking uncontrollably, unable to cope with what had happened. After twenty minutes of convulsing, Billie took a few deep breaths and was able to steady herself. She stood up from the bed and found a plastic bag on the floor- Cal's pills. She grabbed the bag and put it in her pocket, leaving the room.

Billie walked down the hallway in a trance, feeling like she was watching herself in a movie; she had no control over what she was doing, she could only watch herself. She felt numb as she surveyed the house, beer cans and plastic cups crushed on the floor, accompanying chip bags and pizza boxes. At one point her legs gave out underneath her and she fell to the ground. She stayed there, unable to get up for what seemed like hours but was probably only minutes.

3x3x3x

Billie walked out of the shower, her hair dripping and her skin bright red from scrubbing it raw for an hour and a half. She still felt dirty. _And not in the Christina Aguilera way, _she found herself thinking randomly, still feeling detached from her body and thoughts.

She walked back into her room and grabbed Cal's baggie from her pants pocket. She dumped it out her desk, the pills jumping and scattering all over the place. She stared at the little white circles emphasized on the black desk. Her plan was to dump them so Cal wouldn't have what he had probably paid a lot of money for- a minuscule plan for revenge that obviously wouldn't help her feel better at all. At this point, she doubted anything could make her feel better.

_Unless…_

No, she couldn't. That would be stupid. Popping pills? Billie was _not _the type of person to take drugs.

_You weren't that type of person before last night, Billie. You changed so much over the course of ten hours, _she told herself.

Billie tore her gaze from the tablets and turned her back to them, walking over and lying down on her bed. In an instant, she felt like she was reliving the night before. She could feel Cal's hands on her arms, pushing them into the mattress. She could smell his breath- from all the spearmint gum he liked to chew- and felt it on her neck. He kissed her everywhere, as she gave up trying to fight, knowing it was useless, his hands roamed her body, taking in every inch of her innocence and using it against her.

Billie's eyes shot open, her heart pounding and her breath coming loud and fast. There had to be a way to keep that from happening again. She couldn't live through that again, feel _him _on her again.

_There is a way._

Her eyes shot to the desk covered in pills, their plain white color disguising the help they could give her- the help she needed so desperately. She got off of her bed and strode across the room, her body shaking involuntarily as if in an effort to get rid of the memories.

Her mind was virtual a tennis match, volleying from _don't do it _to _it could help. _

_Shut up! _She silently screamed at herself.

She gathered the pills up and threw them in a drawer, grabbing two of them. She downed them dry and waited for the high to kick in. She didn't know exactly what the effects would be, as this was only the second time she had taken them, but she hoped it would do something to get rid of how she was feeling and the pictures that assaulted her mind, playing the party over and over again like a movie in her head.

Her phone vibrated on her hip and she jumped at the sudden movement. Picking it up, she tried to keep her voice from trembling when she answered.

"Hello?"

"Billie. Where. The hell. Are you?" Piper said, fuming. Billie could almost hear her teeth clenching together as she spoke each word.

"I'm in my dorm room, why?"

She could hear Piper growl on the other end of the phone.

"The potion ingredients, Billie! Get over here!"

_Shit, shit, shit. _

Billie grabbed the ingredients off of her chair and ran out the door, ignoring the fact that her legs burned and that she was close to tears.

3x3x3x

Billie bounced up and down on the balls of her feet as she added the last ingredient to the potion. The explosion shook the house, and Billie laughed as a cloud of smoke billowed up from the pot.

"All done!" she called down the stairs.

The sisters came up to the attic with seven vials, ready to bottle the vanquishing potion. Before they could approach the potion, Billie jumped in front of them.

"Umm, you can't do that, sorry. It needs to sit for seventy two hours before bottling. Didn't you read the Book?"

"Of course we did, Billie. What are you so excited about anyway?" Piper snapped at the younger witch, annoyed.

"Yeah, actually, I'm not excited about anything, Pipe. Just keeping busy, you know?"

'_Pipe'?_ Phoebe thought.

Billie tried to steady her shaking hands and wiped some perspiration off of her forehead.

"Is it hot in here? It's really hot in here. I'm sweating."

"Billie, sweetie. How many cups of coffee did you have this morning?" asked Paige carefully.

"Um, one, two? Three. Three? Three, I think. Why?"

Paige didn't say anything in response, but raised an eyebrow while Phoebe snorted into her hand and tried to make it sound like a cough.

"Okay, why don't we get you something to eat and maybe the food will soak up some of the caffeine that must be merging with your blood."

"Nope, I'm really not hungry."

"Come on, sweetie, just trust me, this will-"

At that moment, Billie clutched her head and sank to her knees, her eyes closed tight in pain.

"Billie? Billie, are you okay?" Piper asked, her annoyance being eclipsed by worry.

"No, yeah, I'm fine," she responded, much more slowly than she had sounded seconds earlier. "But I want to go out for a run. I'll be back later," she suddenly changed back into overdrive, standing up and flipping her hair back. Phoebe shook her head and left the room.

"You're not really in the right clothes for a run," Paige observed, somewhat confused. Even when Billie was over-caffeinated, she hadn't reached the level of ADHD that she was now showing. Paige shrugged it off as midterm stress and checked her watch.

"Shoot, I have to go. Have fun Piper. Billie," Paige smirked as she left the room, leaving the eldest sister with the hyperactive witch.

"Don't worry, Pipe, I'm out of here, see you later," Billie stated, bouncing out of the attic and the front door, leaving Piper wondering what the hell had just happened.

**Uh-oh. Watch out Billie!**

**Reviews? For me? Aw, that's swell! XD **


	4. Our Lucid Dream

**Before we get started, let me just say something. You guys are amazing, do you know that? Well you should. We're in chapter four and here you are, still reading my story. Group hug, guys! (Aw!) Hey you, yeah you. If you're feeling down, know that I think you're pretty swell. Anyway, I'm going to stop before I get all after-school special on you; read on!**

4x4x4x

Billie walked through the manor's door, her legs burning from the run she had taken fifteen minutes before. She noticed Piper was out along with the boys, and she knew that Paige usually visited Henry on his lunch break. Walking up to the attic, she almost stopped at Phoebe's door, but decided not to.

She approached the Book of Shadows and flipped through it absent-mindedly. Looking at the pages flickering by, she stopped as she went past something she recognized. She turned back to the page, and saw a human-looking man glaring out at her. She couldn't quite place him, but he seemed incredibly familiar. Shaking her head, she ran a hand through her hair, trying to get rid of the discomforting thought.

She jumped as she heard a noise right in front of her. Phoebe was standing there, a look of concern on her face.

"Are you alright, Billie?"

Billie tried to make herself sound normal and unfazed. "Yeah, I'm fine. Why?"

"I don't know, you just looked…" Phoebe trailed off. "Never mind. I didn't hear you come in."

"Oh, I didn't want to disturb you if you were working or something," Billie thought up a lie quickly. Lately, she just didn't want to talk to the sisters, in fear that they would find out.

Phoebe snorted, not noticing the hollow look in Billie's eyes as she thought about her situation. "That's never stopped you before," she joked.

"Yeah," Billie replied faintly, spacing out.

Phoebe was too wrapped up in memories to notice Billie's odd reply.

"Remember the time you came running into the kitchen and almost knocked into Piper, holding the pie she just picked up after letting it cool. And then Paige orbed into the room, right into the way and it-" Phoebe finally noticed that Billie wasn't laughing with her.

"Are you sure nothing's wrong, Bill?" she asked.

"Positive. Everything's… great."

"Okay, if you say so."

Billie walked past one of her best friends and left the house, forgetting the school book she had come there for.

4x4x4x

Over the next few weeks, Billie had started using speed almost every day, sometimes taking pill after pill the minute one started to wear off. She finished her school assignments in record time, though the quality wasn't as good as it was before the drugs. But Billie was more concerned with quantity rather than quality at that point. She had finally found a way to complete her witch duties and her responsibilities as a student, and it was only at the cost of fifty dollars a week.

The first thing she had done after she ran out of Cal's pills was find out how to get into contact with his friend Parker. She had asked around and after a few days of all-time low, she found him and immediately hit a deal with him. She had to sacrifice little things, like food, but when she was on a high, she found that she wasn't hungry much at all; due to the constant highs, she wasn't eating much of anything, which was fine by her- more money for pills.

The worst part for Billie was coming down from a high. The headaches and nausea that came with it weren't welcome, so she tried to avoid that at all costs. She also started to steer clear of the Halliwell's house, because she didn't want them to get suspicious of her "pep." Unable to sit in her room and relax, Billie started to hang out with Jamie, who introduced her to more people. Billie had offered Jamie some speed at one point, but Jamie declined, saying she preferred "the soft drink." Billie shrugged it off and popped another pill.

Another positive effect of the drugs were the extra demon-vanquishes. Billie's patrols were increasing in success radically, and even Piper was impressed with Billie's progress.

4x4x4x

Billie tore through her room, uprooting everything moveable. She had another pill, she knew she did. Where was it? It had to be there, somewhere. She would never leave herself without any backup. She checked her last-resort hiding place. Empty. She needed another pill, just one more. She was coming down from her high, and she couldn't do that. When that happened, something worse than the headaches would occur. She would think about That Night. She couldn't- wouldn't do that. No, she needed another pill.

She ravaged her room for ten minutes straight and came up empty-handed. Not one freaking pill. Not even a half of a pill. What the hell had happened? Billie slumped onto her bed, closing her eyes. She hadn't slept properly in weeks, and now that she thought about it, she probably looked like shit. Rolling onto her side, she curled into a ball and tried to sleep.

4x4x4x

_Billie was walking around the party, looking for a familiar face. A man came up to her and took her by the hand, leading her outside._

"_Billie, can you hear me, understand me?"_

_Billie nodded. _

"_Good. Now why don't you tell me why you need these pills?"_

_Billie sighed. She didn't need a pep-talk, or a shrink. All she needed to feel like herself was another fix._

"_I'm not here to judge you, Billie. And I promise I won't tell anyone about this."_

"_Okay," she answered. Something about this man made her want to tell him all of her problems, and she was tired of the secret on her shoulders. "I guess the first time, well that was stupid, peer pressure. The second was the need to let go, to just not be me. Not after the night before. And it felt so good. So I just kept going."_

"_Billie, you may not want to hear this, but you can't go on like this. You're afraid that you don't measure up to the Halliwells, and to be honest, you don't. They're the Charmed Ones. You're just an errand-runner. But the pills help you feel better don't they? They make you more confident, and they make you better at being a witch."_

"_Yeah, they do," Billie nodded vigorously._

"_And they make you forget."_

"_That too," Billie said, this time more reserved._

"_But you shouldn't forget that night, Billie. Because that night was your fault, and repressing it is just cowardly."_

"_M-my fault?" she asked, not quite understanding him._

"_I'm sorry Billie, but yes. It was your fault. You led Cal on, making him think he was going to have you, and then you pulled away. That wasn't nice, Billie. And it was stupid."_

"_It was stupid of me to go up there," Billie confirmed._

"_If you hadn't gotten so drunk, you never would have been on that dance floor alone. And you never would have seen Cal. And he never would have forced himself on you. But you got into it after a while, didn't you? You had fun. He didn't have to hold you down as he entered you, because you were pushing yourself into him, and kissing him back. If you tell anyone that he raped you, they would want to know what happened. And you would have to lie to them, because you enjoyed it."_

"_No," she whispered, "I said no. That makes what he did wrong."_

"_I'm sorry, Billie. I know how hard it is for you to hear this. If there were any way that I could go back in time and stop you from being so stupid, I would." The man lifted Billie's chin up to look her in the eye. _

"_I wish you were smarter, because I care about what happens to you. But you need to keep using the pills because they're helping you be better at the few things you're not horrible at. Alright?"_

"_Yeah, you're right," Billie answered softly. _

"_Good." The man embraced Billie, making her feel accepted for the first time in a long time. "Now, as a gift for hearing me out, I want you to look in the top right drawer of your dresser when you wake up. Remember, I care about you, Billie."_

4x4x4x

Billie opened her eyes and jumped up from her bed. She instantly fell to the ground, her legs giving way and her head throbbing. She slowly got up and walked over to her dresser. In the top right drawer were about thirty pills and two vials of pure white powder.

**Alright, kids, do that thing you do! (And as a reward for being so goddamned cool, I'm going to update next Tuesday instead of Wednesday but don't go thinking you can get away without reviewing!) **

**Oh, and due to my previous observations of stupid people, I in no way think that anyone who has been raped deserved it, nor do I put any blame on them whatsoever. Thinking that would be disgusting. And well, I'm many things, but disgusting isn't one of them. (I can't believe I felt the need to defend myself there.)**


	5. Don't Confess

**Alright, people. My internet went wonky on me for a bit, but have no fear, chapter five _is _here. On Tuesday, no less! Delivery as promised, have fun.**

5x5x5x

Billie downed her second cup of coffee as Phoebe walked into the kitchen.

"Hey Billie, got anymore mud?" she asked.

"Always," Billie replied, pouring her friend a cup and handing it to her over the island.

"So, what have you been up to the past few weeks? We haven't seen you around much," Phoebe asked casually.

Billie glanced up at her sharply, but Phoebe was stirring cream into her coffee, making two-toned swirls before the drink turned lighter. Billie realized that it must have been an innocent question and answered casually, "Oh you know, just around. Lots of schoolwork and stuff."

"Yeah, I know how it is, believe me. So how are the parties over there?" Phoebe grinned.

Billie almost choked on her coffee, but managed to keep a calm face.

"They're fine, pretty normal, you know. Booze and bands.

"And that, my friend, is why I _really _went to college twice," Phoebe winked.

Billie forced a smile and hoped upon hope that it didn't come out as a grimace. She wondered if she should tell Phoebe about her situation, maybe the older witch could help her with the problems. She was an empath, after all. She took a deep breath and opened her mouth.

"Phoebe, I need to tal-"

She put her mug down just as the entire house shook and a stream of heavy curses could be heard from upstairs. Billie and Phoebe rushed to the attic just in time to see Paige orb out and reappear in the same place seconds later, a potion exploding where she had been in between orbs.

The two girls quickly turned their attention to the direction in which the potion had come from and saw a demon throwing the vanquishing potions that Billie had made at Piper and Paige.

When the demon saw that he had an audience, he turned to Billie and smiled, saying "Don't forget," before shimmering out. The three Halliwells turned to a stunned Billie, various expressions of disbelief and confusion on their faces.

Billie was frozen in shock and fear. Was that the man in her dream? It had to have been, she recognized that smile. But what was he doing there? And why did he say not to forget? She stopped trying to repress the night of the party; she knew it was her fault, and that she had to live with the consequences. So what did he mean?

"What the hell was that?" Piper voiced Billie's thoughts for her. "Billie. Explain!"

Billie opened her mouth and then shut it again. If she told them, they'd take her only escape away from her. Attempting to ask Phoebe for advice was a mistake, the sisters would never understand. They didn't have the same pressure on them as she did, and they would just see her as a disappointment. The failure she was before she started taking the pills.

"I have no idea," she lied.

"Billie, if you know something, you have to tell us," Paige said softly.

"I told you, I don't know what that was! And how do you know he wasn't looking at Phoebe? She was right next to me!"

"The demon made it clear that he was talking to you, Billie. He looked right into your eyes."

Billie looked at each of the sisters in turn, rubbing her arm.

"You don't believe me."

"It's not that we don't believe you, honey. It's just weird, that's all," Paige said.

"If you believed me, you wouldn't be looking at me like that," Billie said softly.

"Like what?"

"Like I'm pathetic, that I'm in something I can't get out of, and that I'm keeping something from you!"

"Woah, Billie. We never said any of those things," Phoebe interjected.

"Oh, since when do you ever say what you mean?" Billie spat back.

"Hey, that's not fai-" Piper started to get annoyed by Billie's attitude.

"It doesn't matter," Billie interrupted "I'm leaving. You guys, you can figure out whatever it is you need to do without me. You haven't needed me for anything important yet, why would you start now?"

With those parting words, Billie turned on her heel and left the attic; by the sound of the door slamming shut, the sisters gathered that she had left the house as well.

5x5x5x

Billie pushed the cocaine around with her student ID card, making a small line of white powder on her desk. She poured the residue back into the vial, holding her breath so it wouldn't blow around the room.

She grabbed a straw and inhaled the particles, sitting back and waiting for the high. The cocaine gave her a high that speed could no longer accomplish. Unfortunately, the crash down to earth was worse than that of the pills, and Billie found herself constantly irritable and depressed. She hadn't used up all of the quantity that she received from the man in her dream, but she did worry that her expenses would go up having to buy the coke and the speed at the same time.

On top of that, she had been visited by Parker a few days before and was informed that she was behind on her payments. Billie looked throughout her room and found that she was completely out of money. She planned on writing home to her parents, but wanted to wait so they didn't get suspicious of the need for money so quickly.

The next week, Parker came to her dorm room, demanding his money. Billie had no memory of telling him where she lived, but quickly forgot about that when he pulled out a switchblade. She told him that she didn't have the money but would by the next few days. He replied with a mild threat and left her in her room, shaking- this time without the help of her drugs.

**A little short, but next update? MONDAY! I know, could it get any better than this? Probably, but shhh  
**

**Remember fanfiction Commandment number three: Thou Shalt Review if Thou Readeth a Good Story. If Thou Does Not Like Said Story, Thou Shalt Review Stating Why(eth.)**

**Everybody's doing it, you should too! XD**


	6. Cold Cash and Colder Hearts

**Okay, I swear my internet fails at certain times just to spite me. The next update will be Monday, scout's honor.**

Billie knocked on the door of the Halliwells house. She usually walked right in, but she was a little scared to do so after the way she had left things the last time. Paige answered the door and let her in, offering a small smile. Billie walked into the kitchen where Piper and Phoebe were. Piper looked up from the paper she was reading and looked at her expectantly, while Phoebe looked somewhat more understanding- it figured.

Billie took a deep breath before speaking.

"Piper, I'm sorry for-"

Piper cut her off before she could finish, smiling slightly. "You don't have to apologize, Billie. I just wanted to see if you would."

"Oh."

It was this response that caused Phoebe to frown. That "oh" was the complete opposite of what Billie would normally say. She would either laugh or get annoyed at Piper for what she did. The blonde would never just accept it with a one-syllable noise.

Billie's phone rang and she took it out of her purse. Seeing the caller ID, she quickly put the phone down on the counter and let it ring. Billie saw what no one else did- the caller was Parker.

"Are you planning on getting that any time soon?" Paige asked.

"Um, no. Hey, do you guys have any coffee?"

Piper raised an eyebrow. "It's five in the evening."

"Yeah, okay. Any juice?"

"Juice?"

"Yeah, I should actually try to cut back on the coffee-drinking, now that I think about it. You know, too much of a good thing and all," Billie explained.

"Uh-huh. Okay, check the fridge."

"Thanks." Billie poured herself some orange juice- something she hadn't drank since she was at least twelve- and chugged it down.

"Hey there, Flash, you want to slow it down a little? Choking on juice is a pretty lame death, if you ask me," Paige said.

Billie put down the glass, "Nope, done. Oh crap, I have to go be a student and stuff. I was just dropping by to, you know, anyway. See you guys later."

Grabbing her purse, she exited the house.

"Okay, Sister Meeting. Who else thinks Billie is acting totally off?" Paige raised her hand to answer her own question the minute Billie left.

"I do, completely," Phoebe agreed. "What's the deal with the constant shaking? She's acting like she's on a permanent sugar high."

"I don't know guys, I think she's just under a lot of pressure. She hasn't been around much to be able to tell," Piper interjected.

"Ah-hah!" Paige exclaimed. "Exhibit A: _Billie hasn't been around much_. You heard it here first, folks. When _isn't _Billie around- normally, I mean?"

"Maybe…" Piper said, reluctant to blow things out of proportion.

"Oh, look. I'll check and see if she's okay when I give her this," Phoebe picked up the phone Billie had left and was thrown into a premonition.

_A young girl walked into an empty classroom, her sweatshirt hood not quite hiding the blonde hair on her head. She walked to the closet and up to a young man- a student, possibly._

"_Look," the girl whispered, "I'll have the money by five tonight, I swear."_

"_I already gave you an extension," the man hissed back, causing the girl to flinch. "I want my one grand right now, and I'll get it one way or another."_

"_I swear, just give me a few hours and I'll have it. I have a friend; she'll lend me the money. I can even pay you interest if you want."_

"_It's too late, bitch. I was nice to you because you're cute, but now you're just annoying me and wasting my time. And my stash. Unless you want to pay me some other way…" he said, his eyes trailing her body suggestively._

_The girl shook her head vigorously. "N-no. I can't do that."_

"_Well then, you're just a waste of space, aren't you?"_

_With that, the man grabbed her by the back of the neck and thrust his fist into her stomach. The girl doubled over in pain, gasping for air. Not quite satisfied, he hit her again. This time when he pulled away, a blood-stained pocket-knife was visible in his hand. Slashing her arm in anger, he wiped the blade on her clothes and walked away._

_The girl fell to the floor, her hood slipping off and revealing her face._

Phoebe fell to the floor, grabbing her stomach in pain, and gasped "Billie's in trouble."

6x6x6x

Paige orbed herself and her sisters to Billie's dorm room, only to see her leaving the room and closing the door behind her. Phoebe wanted to call out, but Paige stopped her.

"If we confront her now, we won't have proof and she'll deny it. And if we search her room," she continued as Phoebe opened her mouth to argue, "she'll freak out. Trust me, Pheebes, I know how the secret-addiction thing works."

Phoebe sighed, knowing her sister was right, and they snuck out of the room after Billie. They spotted her turning a corner at the end of the hallway and fell in step behind her at a distance. They followed her across campus as the sky darkened above them. Billie entered a closed building at the edge of campus and walked into an empty classroom, where the sisters watched from around the corner of the doorway. Phoebe gasped when she realized what Billie was wearing, and knew that her vision was occurring sooner than she could have imagined.

"Paige, that guy has a knife!" she whispered furiously.

She winced at the first blow to her friend's stomach, the one she knew was coming, and almost screamed before the second. She heard Paige whisper "knife" and the weapon orbed out of the attacker's hand. Before the sisters could breathe a sigh of relief, they saw that the knife was tinted crimson. The man, not knowing what had happened, proceeded to continue beating Billie, kicking her when she fell to the ground. It took the women a moment to react, but Piper froze him and they rushed over to the fallen Billie.

"Oh my God, Billie, look at you," Phoebe whispered, her eyes widening, and trying to block out the obvious physical pain her friend was in. _Stupid empathy powers._

"How did you guys find me?" the blonde asked weakly.

"Phoebe had a premonition. Now let's get you home," Piper looked at Paige anxiously, and the youngest Charmed One orbed them back to the manor.

6x6x6x

Billie sat, slightly reclined on the couch, refusing to lie down completely. She was trying to think of a reason to explain her presence in an abandoned classroom, and started to speak, not entirely sure of what she was going to say.

"You guys, I don't know what you think was going on bu-"

"Save it, Billie, we know what you were doing there." Piper was already getting angry. How could Billie be so _stupid? _Taking drugs? It was idiotic, to say the least.

"You know?" she asked, frowning.

"Yes, sweetie, and you need to stop right now," Paige stated firmly.

"Yeah, and why the hell should I stop? So I can go back to failing my classes and being a complete failure as a witch? Give me one good reason to stop the only good thing in my life right now."

"Are you kidding? You were almost killed less than five minutes ago! I wouldn't call that a _good thing!_" Phoebe shrieked, her voice an octave higher than usual.

"If you guys hadn't interfered, I would have been fine!" Billie shot back.

"If we hadn't come in when we did, you would have been on the ground, bleeding from the stomach in five different places!" Phoebe countered.

"So you can see the _possible _future, fine. But I'm _not _dead, and the past few months I've been, like, SuperWitch."

"That's not even relevant if you're using drugs to do it," Paige responded.

"Oh, this coming from an Alcoholics Anonymous frequenter," Billie scoffed.

"Hey!" Piper yelled.

"Hey," she said again, more softly, "Look, honey, we know where you're coming from, and we get that. But look at yourself. You've lost too much weight, you're getting no sleep, and you owe some dealer one thousand dollars. You need to get help."

Billie frowned.

"You don't care about me, you just want to ship me off to some clinic so you can get your perfect life. You can't stand to think that your little 'messenger' is doing better then you are in the witch business. If you cared about me, you would have noticed weeks ago that something wasn't right, so don't tell me this is for my own good. Just don't."

Billie pushed herself out from the chair and forced her way past her former friends, leaving Halliwell Manor one last time.

**This is where I normally ask people to review, but not this time. Nope. No asking. I'm kicking the habit. –bites nails-**


	7. Make a Run for It

**Well hey there, again. Look! An update on time, without any internet failure! –cheers- Hey, there's a movie on Lifetime tonight with Kaley Cuoco! Is anybody going to watch it? It's called "To Be Fat Like Me." It's a documentary, and it sounds really interesting. Kaley said it was a relief to get out of the "ditzy blonde role." Course, I'm only watching it because she's so darn cute, to be honest. XD On with the story!**

It had been a week since Billie left, and the sisters had done everything they could to find her,-Paige even resorted to just calling her cell phone, just in case- but nothing was working. It seemed that if Billie didn't want to be found, there was nothing they could do about it.

7x7x7x

Billie had hopped the first bus out of the city. Using her projection power with her money trouble, she got to Los Angeles with little difficulty. She tried to get further but she decided that the sisters would assume she went far away and wouldn't search for her in the same state.

She looked for a cheap apartment for three days, contenting to sleep lightly on park benches and in back alleys, once she was sure she was alone. One the fourth night, she was awakened by low whispers and chuckles. She opened her eyes and found herself surrounded by a gang of young men, two of the youngest holding switchblades.

_Oh shit. A gang initiation?_

"Come on, boys. Will cutting up a half-asleep blonde girl really make you feel better about yourselves?" she asked, sitting up.

"Shut up, bitch," was one boy's creative reply. The two boys being initiated moved slowly toward her, obviously trying to look menacing. Billie stifled a yawn and waited for them to make a move. She dug through her pockets and found one of her last pills. Shoving it in her mouth, she swallowed it and turned her attention back to the gang.

One of the boys rushed forward, slashing out clumsily. Billie grabbed his arm and twisted it, making him drop the knife. Knocking his feet out from under him, she kicked him in the stomach. She could feel the rush kicking in, not as great as the first few weeks, but enough to get her buzzed. Grabbing the knife on the ground, she turned to the other boy, smiling at the fear in his eyes. He wasn't expecting his victim to fight back.

With one flick of her hand, she spun the knife out of his grasp and fought him hand to hand. Unlike a demon, the kid wasn't used to skilled fighting, probably having been only in a few school yard fights before. Billie continued to fight as her vision blurred and her head started to spin.

7x7x7x

Billie woke up on the ground, sore all over. Groaning, she stood up and looked around. One of the gang members was lying in a pool of blood, face up, unmoving. Billie looked around quickly, making sure that nobody was around to see the after-effects of her fight. The sky was still dark, so she figured it was too early in the morning for people to be out.

She grabbed her bag, thankful that the bench had hidden it from theft, and walked away from the scene quickly, feeling nauseous. She wasted some time window shopping through grate-shielded windows, and tried not to think about what she had just done. She spotted an open diner across from where she was standing, and checked to see if she had enough money for a meal. Once that was verified, she walked across the street and through the door.

A girl about her age, maybe a year or two younger, half-smiled at her and led her to a booth.

"Hi, I'm Anne. Can I start you off with a drink?"

"Yeah, just a black coffee, thanks," Billie said.

_So much for cutting back on caffeine._

Anne raised an eyebrow slightly, but caught herself and shot another half-smile. Billie attempted to smile back and took a menu.

Billie wondered why a girl as young as Anne was working at a diner in such a bad part of the city, but then again, she was there too, so she supposed she shouldn't be thinking like that.

_Come on, Billie, just because you didn't have to work at sixteen doesn't mean other girls are as lucky. _

Anne brought her the coffee and Billie ordered French toast, the first good meal she had eaten in five days. She left the diner and walked for an hour before feeling out of breath. Her heart was beating quickly, but she wasn't walking any faster than a stroll. Her legs started to feel weak and she moved quickly towards a nearby bench. She sat down heavily on it and put her head in her hands, taking slow, deep breaths in an effort to calm her pulse.

_You killed someone. You killed someone, and then you walked away. You killed someone, walked away, and _ate breakfast!_ Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god._

"Excuse me."

Billie looked up and saw a boy about her age in a band t-shirt and jeans looking at her with concern.

"Are you alright? I saw you come over here, and you looked like you were about to pass out."

"No, no, I'm fine thanks."

He sat down on the edge of the bench, not too close to her, and handed her a tissue. Billie wiped her eyes and sighed. The boy was still looking at her from under his too-long bangs. His eyes were the brightest blue she had ever seen on a person.

"I'm not sure if you want to be left alone or anything…" he trailed off.

"You can sit here if you want."

A soft smile broke out on his face, making him look years younger.

"I'm Dave," he said, reaching out his hand in greeting.

"Billie," she replied, shaking it.

"Do you uh, want a cup of coffee or something, Billie?"

Billie had no idea what to say to that offer, she was being torn in too many directions to say anything coherent.

_You just committed a murder. You have to go to the police, or run away, or go back to San Francisco, anything. You can't stay here._ _Like this guy doesn't want anything but sex. That's all you're good for anyway. He just sees you as a means for entertainment. You're not worth anything more than that. Or he could just be a nice guy with no ulterior motives. You could go to get a free cup of coffee with a cute guy.A cute guy who doesn't know anything about you. Like the fact that you're a used, homicidal, homeless witch. But don't let him touch you._

"Sure."

7x7x7x

Paige threw the crystal down on the table, ran a hand through her hair, and picked it up again, frustrated. Phoebe walked in, and seeing what her sister was doing, came over and gently took the stone from her hand.

"Paige, you have to stop doing this to yourself. It's not going to help," she instructed her softly.

Paige closed her eyes and rubbed her temples, tired from the monotonous task of scrying for hours.

"I know, but I have to do something. She's my charge, why can't I sense her, even a little bit?"

"Because she doesn't want you to, honey. She probably cast a spell, and then stopped using magic to throw us off. She could be in Boston by now for all we know. You need to stop trying to do the impossible."

"I can't help it. I feel like if I stop, I'll miss something. Like she could call out to me when I'm not looking for her, and I'll miss it. She's addicted to…something, and we have no idea where she is. Phoebe, she could be-" Paige's voice broke and she couldn't finish her thought, terrified.

Phoebe couldn't stand to see her little sister like that; Paige was blaming herself because she felt that she failed as a whitelighter, not knowing what was going on with Billie before it was too late.

"We'll find her, Paige. One way or another, we will."

**Alright, trivia time: Name the illusion to another famous work in this chapter. **

**P.S. I own Dave. (And Cal, Parker and the demon, but go ahead and take them because it's not like I'm getting paid to make them up. Just let me know if you're honoring me like that.) **

**P.P.S. Next update Sunday. (And review if a. you liked it and/or b. you're going to watch that Kaley show I told you about tonight.)**


	8. Running Out of Turbo

**Okay, so the Kaley thing wasn't a documentary, but a movie about a documentary. It was still alright though; it's on again tonight I think, at least here on the east coast of the US of A. **

Billie and Dave had spent the day together- he had blown off his classes and they walked around the streets, looking in stores until they were thrown out for not buying anything.

"So, Billie, where are you staying? You said you just moved here from San Francisco, right?" he asked. Billie wasn't sure how to continue, it wasn't like she ever planned on telling him about the whole "homeless" thing.

"Yeah, I'm actually still looking for a place. It's pretty hard to find one at a decent rate around here."

"I know what you mean, the same thing happened to me when I came here for college and all the dorms were filled."

"What did you do?"

"My friend showed me this great place. It's really easy to afford, but it's nice."

"You're a lucky guy."

"Don't I know it. It's a great place. You can come check it out if you want."

_Billie could hear her own screams drowned out by the music pumping through the speakers just a floor below her. She raised her voice, trying to get the attention of someone in the hallway. Cal slapped her and covered her mouth with his hand, the weight of his body on her head, pushing her into the pillow. Billie whimpered underneath the rocking body on top of her, and closed her eyes, trying to block everything out._

"Um, I'm not sure if that's a good idea," she replied, trying to shake this images out of her head.

To Billie's immense relief, Dave smiled, accepting her answer.

"I understand. Here's the address anyway, I think there are still a few rooms waiting to be rented out, in case you change your mind." Dave scrawled the information on a piece of paper and handed it to Billie, who took it and put it in her pocket.

"Hey, I know a great movie theater around here; it shows all these old black and white films, but I think the Wizard of Oz is playing tonight, do you wanna go see it?"

"Well, I've never seen that movie," Billie admitted.

"Are you serious? You have to see it, it's a classic."

"I guess if I have to," Billie smiled.

After Billie and Dave bought their tickets, they sat down in the dark theater and found that they were the only ones in there.

"Is it usually like this?" Billie asked, somewhat uncomfortable.

"Yeah, but it's cool because then you can talk during the movie and nobody gets mad," he replied.

They spent the entire movie pointing out how unfair it was that all the Witch wanted was her dead sisters shoes, and that technically Dorothy had stolen them. Billie was extremely relieved that Dave hadn't made one move on her, even though he had plenty of opportunities to do so.

When it came to the end of the movie, Billie groaned. "Are you kidding? Glinda just sent that girl on a huge journey, almost getting her and three other people killed, and all she had to do was click her heels three times? What a cop out!"

"Hey, don't diss Glinda," Dave said in mock offense. "She probably can't breathe in that dress anyway; it must be cutting off the circulation to her brain."

"Ah, that explains it all. No why do people complain about the author of _Alice in Wonderland_ being high when this movie is just as crazy?"

"Oh don't even go there. _Alice in Wonderland_ is just whacked out. That movie gives me the creeps."

"You're not so tough are you?" Billie laughed, tossing some popcorn at him.

"I'm a marshmallow," he said, putting a hand over his heart dramatically. They exited the movie theatre and walked out into the dark street. Billie immediately registered that there was nobody around and shivered, pulling her jacket closer to her even though it was pretty warm out.

"Look, I promised my friend that I'd help him study for a final he had tomorrow," he continued "so I should really be going. It's been great meeting you, Billie. I mean that. I really hope we can meet again soon."

"Yeah, it's been good meeting you too. I'll try to stop by," Billie paused, unsure of what parting gesture to make. She couldn't kiss him, she felt like if she ever kissed a guy again, she'd explode- but a handshake seemed too formal and distant. Dave took care of it by pulling her into a quick embrace and smiled, leaving Billie alone again.

8x8x8x

Billie had run out of speed and coke a few days before, and found herself crouched in the corner of an alley, sweating and shivering. She hadn't eaten anything in two days, and doubted her ability to get up and find something, or even the possibility of keeping it down. She pulled her knees up to her chest in an effort to keep them still, but her arms were shaking just as badly and didn't do anything to secure her legs. She felt like bugs were crawling just under her skin, and it was red from her feverish scratching. Leaning up against the brick wall, she closed her eyes and tilted her head up to the sky, her body searing hot, sweating, and shuddering from unbearable cold at the same time.

She heard footsteps approaching and shrunk into the corner of the wall behind a large black dumpster. She tried to slow her breathing and stay quiet, but the two people on the other side of the alley were too involved in their own conversation to hear her.

"Please don't do this," a voice whispered, sounding terrified.

"You didn't give me enough last time, bitch. You tried to rip me off. Now I want my money, and I want it now."

"I-I d-d-don't h-have it," the girl stuttered badly.

"Well you're going to have to pay me back some way, won't you?"

Billie's eyes widened and she felt more nauseous than she had before. She took a chance and looked around the side of her hiding place. A girl was pinned up by her throat and the man who had her was stroking her face. Billie ignored her own pain and struggled to stand up. It took three tries, but she managed to make it to her feet. She grabbed a plank of wood from the ground and broke it in half. The man either ignored the sound or didn't hear it at all.

"Hey!" she yelled, holding the board at her side, hidden behind the dumpster. The man looked over at her and smiled crookedly.

"Don't do anything stupid, Blondie. Unless you wanted to join in on the fun?"

Billie's breath caught in her throat and she hesitated before spitting out "Hardly."

"Well then you better walk away," the man said, not trying to hide the fact that he was checking her out.

"Mmm, sorry, I can't do that. I'm going to have to ask _you_ to walk away."

The man raised an eyebrow and snorted, letting go of the girl and walking over to Billie, his attention diverted.

"And I suppose a bite-size bit like you is going to make me," he sneered. Billie nodded to the girl and she ran away into the darkness. Billie figured she wouldn't tell anyone what happened. Innocents never did, regardless of whether the attack was demonic or human, which meant that Billie was alone, at her worst, and up against a two hundred and fifty pound man who had just pulled out a knife.

_Crap._

The man rushed her and she swung the board at his head as hard as she could. It hit him and he was thrown sideways by the force, the momentum flinging him into the dumpster. He turned back to Billie and narrowed his eyes. Before she had time to react, he thrust the blade into her arm and twisted. Billie let out a clipped scream and her legs gave out underneath her. His hands roamed her fallen torso, and everything around Billie seemed to stop, as if Piper froze the entire world. The man found what he was looking for- her wallet. He opened it up and took out the crumpled wad of bills in it, only totaling fifty dollars. Fortunately for Billie, he heard sirens and took off before he could count the money, but not before he cut a deep line in her chest.

Billie couldn't get up, and she felt her heartbeat slow down as black ebbed into the corners of her vision. Her automatic reaction was to call out for Paige, but she refused to do that, even if she could muster enough breath and energy to speak her friend's name aloud. However, she couldn't keep her mind off of the help Paige could give her in this kind of situation, and that was the last thing she thought of before she slipped into oblivion.

8x8x8x

Paige bolted up from bed, breathing heavily. She had just had a nightmare about Billie, and she couldn't even think of trying to go back to sleep after that. The whole thing was too vivid. She was sure it wasn't a premonition- even though Billie was her charge, that was still Phoebe's department. But she couldn't shake the dream off. Willing her heart to calm down, she slipped out of bed and put on a bathrobe and some slippers.

Trudging up the stairs to the attic, she got out the map and scrying crystal, "one last time." She knew it wouldn't work. It hadn't the first five thousand times, so why would it this time? But she couldn't get rid of the feeling that her dream was somehow related to what was going on with Billie at that moment.

"Come on, Billie. Show me where you are," she whispered.

Paige almost jumped out of her seat when the crystal landed on a point on the map. According to that, Billie was somewhere in Los Angeles. Paige scrambled to find a map of L.A. to narrow the search down, and found the street that Billie was on. Praying that the blonde wasn't in the middle of some large crowd, she orbed to the spot, not bothering to wake Piper or Phoebe in order to find Billie as quickly as possible.

**So we passed the middle of the story, but no worries, a sequel is on its way as well. Let me know if you want it.**


	9. Walking With a Ghost

**Hello again, dear readers. Everything is finally coming together, eh? Well, at least physically concerning our favorite witches. I broke my review record last chapter with 42, and you guys are to thank for that. I think it's really cool how there are at least 42 good things to say about my writing; I mean, seriously, how awesome is that? Especially with my consistent reviewers, you guys rock.**

Paige almost screamed when she saw her friend lying on the ground, her face bruised, bleeding from her arm and torso, and looking like she hadn't eaten in days. Though Billie was unconscious, her body was convulsing violently and she was gasping for breath.

The brunette rushed over to Billie and quickly orbed her back to the manor, placing her on the couch. She ran upstairs and woke her sisters up, running back downstairs and ignoring their protests and questions. When the two older witches saw the young girl, Piper swore and Phoebe gasped, literally feeling Billie's pain.

"Should we take her to a hospital?" Phoebe asked, clutching one arm with the other in a tight grasp, mirroring one of Billie's many injuries.

"I'm not sure, we don't know what she's been on, or what attacked her. If it was a demon, then we can't bring her in. Paige, check her wound to see if it's too deep," Piper answered.

Paige sat on the couch and rested Billie's head on her lap. Checking the wound, she found that it was just short of needing stitches, but bleeding profusely.

"I think we can handle it," she affirmed, "Pheebes, go get the first aid kit, some ice and a cool cloth, she's burning up."

Placing her hands over Billie's chest wound, she closed her eyes, knowing what she was trying to do was a long shot at best. For a split second, she saw light brighten behind her closed eyes and when she opened them again, she saw Piper smiling weakly, and that the cut had become shallower and was bleeding less. Unfortunately, it was still looking bad. Paige's worry for Billie blocked out the happiness she was feeling for healing someone for the first time.

Phoebe walked back into the room and handed Paige the damp washcloth; she knelt on the ground and opened the kit, taking out antiseptic and a large roll of bandages. Paige washed Billie's face while Piper applied the bandages. Paige's heart broke seeing Billie this weak.

_No teenager should have to go through what she did._

Piper held Billie down lightly when she started convulsing again, and after they did everything they could for her, Paige told her sisters to go back to bed. They complied reluctantly, and only when Paige told them that she would let them know if anything important happened.

9x9x9x

Billie didn't open her eyes when she woke up, snuggling deeper into whatever she was resting on, the most comfortable she had been in weeks, maybe months. She wanted to stay like that forever, wherever she was. The cushions underneath her on felt like heaven as she lied on them. She realized her head was on someone's lap, and reality hit: the last time she had been conscious, she was on the ground in a back alley somewhere in Los Angeles. Her eyes snapped open and she scrambled to sit up, completely disoriented.

She struggled when she felt a pair of hands push her back down on the couch she was lying on. She started to attack the person holding her, but winced at her own movements, pain erupting all over her body. Her eyes watered at the sudden throbbing on her chest and in her head. When she finally became still, her body was tense, due to the fact that she had no idea who was holding her. She could hear someone whispering to her and stroking her hair back from her face and she tried to twist out of their grasp.

"Shh, Billie, it's alright, you're okay. You're safe," Billie registered the voice as Paige's, and started to struggle again, needing to get away from the older woman.

_How did they find me? I made sure they couldn't! I have to get out of here._

"Woah there, honey. You need to rest," she could hear Piper's voice and saw her enter from the hallway. Suddenly, her head exploded in pain and she screwed her eyes shut, tears leaking out regardless.

"I found a spell that should work," she heard Phoebe say.

_They're going to do a spell on me? Like hell!_

She quickly grabbed Paige's arm and lifted it off of her, standing up. She was about to make a break for the front door when the world began to swim and her knees buckled. She felt arms quickly grabbing her and holding her up, sitting her back down on that damned couch.

"You're not going to do a spell on me. I won't let you," Billie murmured, suddenly too tired to say anything out loud. She wasn't sure if her protests made it to her mouth or if she just thought them. She closed her eyes again and lied down, ignoring the instincts telling her to run. She couldn't move any more, all she wanted to do was rest. She buried her head in Paige's lap again, completely relaxing and putting her fate into the three people she had run away from.

"What are we going to do with her?" Phoebe asked quietly, "This is the last place she wants to be right now; did you see her face when she realized where she was?"

"I know, Phoebe, but it's the best place for her, whether she realizes it or not," Piper responded.

Paige was stroking Billie's hair, murmuring assurances to her while she slept. She looked up at Phoebe after a moment of silence, taking on a business-like persona.

"You said you found a spell?" she asked.

"Yeah, it's supposed to relax the person in question, but I think Billie's too tired to be any trouble now. We should probably memorize it just in case though," Phoebe suggested.

Each of them took a turn to commit the spell to memory, and Phoebe left to get some breakfast for Billie and Paige.

9x9x9x

_Billie looked around, wondering what she was doing on a park bench when she had just been on a couch in the manor. Frowning, she stood up and walked towards the silhouette of a man under the street light across the road._

_What am I doing here?_

_When the man didn't turn, she realized that she must not have actually spoken the words out loud._

"_What am I doing here?" She touched her throat as her voice only came out as a whisper. Fortunately the man turned to look at her, but she took a step back when she saw him._

_His face seemed almost liquid-like; constantly changing from Cal to Parker to the man she had dreamt about earlier to the demon that attacked everyone before she ran away. Or were the last two one and the same?_

_He reached out a hand, beckoning her closer. When his face settled, she saw that it stayed on the man in her dreams. _

"_Am I dreaming?" she asked._

_He didn't answer, but she felt a pressure in her head, and somehow she knew the answer was yes. He turned and walked down the street, and she called out to him, needing to know what was going on._

_He stopped in front of a building, and Billie recognized it as the diner she had eaten in before she met Dave. She saw the young waitress that had served her cleaning up and taking off her apron._

"_She went home too, Billie. Do you know what happened to her? She went to hell. She almost died. And when she got home, her friends avoided her and went out with each other. They threw a party in her own house, just so they wouldn't have to deal with her one on one. You went home, and guess what will happen? They'll throw you in rehab and keep you there. They don't want you around, they just want to make sure you'll be gone for good, and won't run back to them at an "inconvenient time," like maybe when one of them is on a date."_

_Billie turned back to Anne, who she saw wipe a tear from her eye before going back to picking up dishes. When she turned back, the man had already moved on, leaving her behind. She ran to catch up with him when he stopped suddenly. The scenery changed and she was standing in a messy room with band posters plastered on the walls. She saw Dave sitting on his bed, talking into a cell phone and smiling._

_She jumped when she saw that the man who was standing next to her had changed into Cal. She shuddered and tried to move towards Dave when Cal grabbed her arm and pulled her next to him. He wrapped his arm tightly around her body in what probably looked like a protective older brother posture._

"_Look at him, babe. Do you know who he's talking to? Let's wait and see," he grinned._

_Dave hung up the phone and looked up at the door. In less than a minute, a girl Billie's age walked in the door and sat next to him. They spoke for a few minutes before Dave kissed her. Things progressed and Billie looked away, feeling like an intruder. Cal turned her to face him and raised an eyebrow._

"_See? That's all Dave wanted from you. That's all you're good for, Billie. Nobody really wants you around unless you can do something for them. Give it up, babe."_

_Again, the scenery changed and Billie found herself in the park again. She looked around and saw Parker walking towards her. He stopped before he reached her and looked down at the ground before him. Billie followed his gaze and saw the gang member on the ground, exactly as she left him the morning of his death._

"_Well, well, well, look what you did. If I had known you were such a ruthless bitch, I would have tried to kill you way before I wasted all my shit on you. Or maybe I would have recruited you," he laughed heartlessly._

_Billie tried to protest, tried to tell him it was an accident and the she wasn't a cold-blooded killer, but her voice wouldn't obey her and no sound came from her mouth._

"_Don't make excuses," he snapped, as if he could read her thoughts. He kicked the body and walked towards her again, stepping on the boy as he went. Billie was rooted to the ground, unable to move even her index finger. Parker put his hands on her shoulders and shook her._

"_Are you going to tell them? Do you think your 'friends' are going to just say 'Oh, you killed someone? Well he attacked you first, so forget about it.' You're disgusting, Billie. You don't deserve to be with people like them, so just wake up from your little dream for happily ever after. Wake up." _

**Well this doesn't look good, does it?**


	10. Things Aren't So Beautiful Now

**How do you guys like the changes to fanfiction . net? They're subtle, but I think they make the place look more together. Chapter Ten!**

"Billie, honey. Wake up," Paige shook the blonde gently, trying to get her out of the nightmare she was having. "Wake up."

Billie's eyes shot open, but she didn't attempt to escape Paige. Instead, she stayed lying down on the couch, eyes glazed over and not speaking. Paige stayed with her and neither moved for a long time. Paige tried to speak to Billie once or twice, but the blonde didn't make any indication that she had heard. She did, however, grab Paige's arm when she attempted to get up and Paige smiled down at the young witch, settling back into the cushions.

Billie hated herself for wanting Paige there with her. She knew she was weak, but somehow she couldn't bear the thought of being alone again, even if it meant admitting that to the sisters as well.

She refused to eat her breakfast until Piper suggested a creative way to force food in her, involving Paige's orbing power. After that, Billie sat up and ate whatever they gave her. Unfortunately, her body refused to keep it down, and she couldn't support herself fully to get herself to the bathroom. What happened after that wasn't pretty, and Piper started to get angry before catching herself. Billie wondered idly if Piper was channeling Prue's personality, based on what she had heard about the eldest sister.

When she was finished with her food she tensed up again, knowing what was coming. She wanted to lie back down, but she knew that Paige would be asking her questions she didn't want to answer, and she didn't want to look dependant on her when she heard them.

"Billie, we need to talk," Phoebe said softly.

"No, I don't thi-" Billie cut her protest short at the look on the middle sister's face.

"Honey, we want to help you," Paige started to say, "And don't tell us you don't need help because we all know that's bull," she continued when she saw the blonde open her mouth to argue again.

"You need to tell us what you've been doing these past few weeks."

Billie opened her mouth and closed it again, unsure of where to start and what to include. She knew that she had to say something, because if she didn't there were still magical ways of getting the information out of her, and she knew the sisters would use them if they truly believed they were helping her. Parker's words stuck in her head, playing over and over on a loop.

"_You don't deserve to be with people like them, so just wake up from your little dream for happily ever after."_

_He's right, _she thought to herself._ They'll hate you._

She stayed silent for a long time, lost in her own thoughts, until Paige gently said her name, pulling her from her trance.

"I…" she faltered, "I got them from a guy at a party, Cal. It was speed- what I was using. I was already drunk and was under a lot of pressure, I guess. I just needed a release, you know? I don't really remember the first time, it wasn't good," Billie stopped; vomit threatened to escape if she thought about That Night.

"Then, I… I got some more, because, I don't know. I just wanted to see if it would help with-" Billie caught herself and stopped talking.

"Help with what?" Phoebe asked.

"Just anything. Everything," she responded, purposely vague. "Anyway, it did. And I found Cal's supplier, so I hit a deal with him. But that didn't turn out so well." Billie let out a choked laugh, knowing that there was nothing funny about it.

"Why didn't you come to us?"

"Why would I want to stop the one good thing going on in my life?" Billie snapped, suddenly angry again. How dare they pretend like they knew what she was going through? They had no idea what her life was like. "I did try to talk to you about it anyway. But you were too busy."

_Okay, so a demon attacked. But they should have known. _

She could see Phoebe's eyes widen slightly, and stifled the guilt she was feeling for making her friend blame herself.

"Billie, I'm so sorry," she whispered.

"Forget it," Billie hadn't meant her words to sound as bitter as they did, but then again, who cared? She sure as hell _was_ resentful, why spare their feelings?

"Billie, I'm not going to argue with you any more. I'm your whitelighter, and more importantly, your friend. You're going to get the help you need whether you like it or not," Paige said, taking charge of the situation.

Billie couldn't take it anymore. She needed the drug, couldn't they understand that? It was a part of her now, just like being a witch. That thought terrified her as much as it comforted her. She needed a fix. Now. She got up from the couch and headed for the door, intent on making it out of there. Unfortunately, Paige orbed in front of her immediately and orbed her back to the couch.

"We can do that all night, but I'd prefer not to," she said sarcastically.

Billie sunk back into the cushions, crossing her arms and staying silent, intent on winning the current battle of wills, while Piper resisted the urge to roll her eyes.

"Honey, why can't you see what you're doing to yourself?"

Billie kept her mouth shut, sick of arguing with the sisters. They would never get it; none of them had gone through what she was going through.

"Paige," Phoebe nodded towards the kitchen and the two got up, leaving Billie and Piper alone and silent.

"We have to do something, Paige. She's not going to kick the habit on her own because she can only see the 'good' it's doing to her; she's so far gone she either doesn't know or doesn't care that there's no good coming out of this at all," Phoebe blurted out once the door was closed behind them.

Paige sat down at the table and put her head in her hands, exhausted and confused.

"I know, but what can we do? If we do a truth spell, the second it's over she'll freak out and run again."

"It may be our only choice," Phoebe replied solemnly.

"No, there has to be something else," Paige argued, and orbed out of the room. Phoebe tried to figure out where she went until her sister returned with a piece of paper in her hand. Phoebe glanced at the writing and saw a spell to make the blind see.

"Okay, I think this spell is a literal thing, but we might be able to tweak it to make it work. If we can get it just right, Billie might be able to see how badly this is messing her up."

The two women sat at the table and rewrote the spell until they were almost positive it would work on Billie. Together they recited the verse they hoped would help their friend's health improve.

When they were finished, they walked quickly into the adjoining room to see Billie in the corner of the room, backed up against the wall squirming away from Piper.

"Screw this," the eldest sister groaned, and tossed a potion at Billie's feet, freezing her.

"Woah, where'd that come from?" Paige asked, surprised.

"Originally, it wasn't for Billie. When it's thrown, it replicates my power, but when someone swallows it, it makes the drinker lose his voice. There's a band manager I'm working with right now and he's really- never mind," she stopped when she saw Phoebe trying to hide a grin behind her hand. "What the hell did you guys do in there?"

"We tried to make her see what she was doing to herself."

"Well crap, give me the spell," Piper rolled her eyes and stuck out her hand. She glanced at the spell and nodded. "See, that explains it."

"Explains what?" Paige asked.

"Well while you two were off doing your little incognito intervention, Billie flashed into skin and bones and back. She looked like a walking corpse, and not in a good way."

"There's a good way?" Paige asked, and then shook her head, ignoring the comment. "So…what? She caught a glimpse of herself and freaked?"

"Yeah, pretty much. The phrase "scarred for life" comes to mind."

Phoebe walked slowly over to Billie while her sisters were exchanging words, and crouched down next to her. When she touched her, Billie unfroze and went back to freaking out.

"Billie? Billie, honey, it's alright. You're okay."

"No," she whispered.

"Really, you're safe. You're fine."

"No, I'm not. I need… I need," Billie stopped and shook her head, screwing her eyes shut.

"You need what?" Phoebe prompted, pushing the girl's hair back.

"Help," Billie whispered the word she had refused to speak since That Night.

**Okay, so I didn't tell you that this was The End, because I hate knowing the end of stories, and I read them differently than I would the middle or beginning of the story- does that make sense, or am I the only one who does that? The epilogue will be up in a few days, but the sequel's coming right along as well, so don't worry about it at all. **


	11. In This Diary

**Okay, first person perspective here, but it's explained in, well, the first line. **

_So Phoebe got me this diary as a two-weeks-clean gift. These bright pink pages hurt my eyes when I'm writing, but I guess I need something to keep me from slipping back into old habits._

_I'm still in this God-forsaken "rehabilitation house" in the middle of nowhere, but I guess that's alright. The counselors here are nice enough, but for Christ sakes, they're _counselors!_- They think I'm going to be friends with them, like I'm a twelve year old at Girl Scout Camp. Please._

_I have my own room, which is a relief after seeing some of the other girls here. I hope that I never looked like they do, but I'm sure I did; I just didn't realize it. They have separate wings for the various kinds of crazies here: the druggies, the cutters, (_not_to be confused with the suicidals, I've learned) the eating disorders, and others. _

_I don't talk to anyone regularly- why bother? It's not like I'm going to be seeing them again once I get the hell out of here. Right, it will be like a Very Brady Reunion, all of us together. There's one girl who I've spoken to a few times- Donna or Dawn or something. I think she's a klepto, because there's nothing visibly wrong with her, and I've seen her pocket a few things from the nurse's desk._

_The food here is enough to make us all go anorexic. Maybe they could get the girls to eat if they served something better than the crap they call food. But Wednesdays they have ice cream, which is actually some good quality stuff._

_So you're a diary, and I'm still avoiding the real problems here. I haven't actually told the sisters about what happened with Cal. I might never tell them. There are times when I just want to blurt it out, to tell someone, anyone. Hell, I'd even tell Dawn. Then there are other times when I thank whatever gods are out there that the Halliwells didn't use a truth spell on me. They seem content with the reasons I gave them for slipping into drug use-peer pressure. It's such a freaking cliché that not even my rent-a-therapist is questioning it. "Spoiled teen plus college equals impending doom."_

_They also don't know about the gang fight at all. I was going to tell them, but they might have asked how I got away, or connected it to the story about a slain teen suspected to be in a drug kill a few weeks ago, found dead in Bristol Park, which just happens to be only a few minutes away from where Paige found me. Now if anyone finds this journal, I'm screwed._

_I told the sisters what I knew about the man in my dreams, and it turns out that he was the same demon we were making the vanquishing potions for right before my life turned to shit. I'm not entirely sure if this is the right place to use the word "irony," but it's as close as I'll get to it._

_But I digress- the sisters found out that it was Dzyak who was in my head, and they went all around the underworld trying to find him. They were pissed at him; but I bet they'd be even angrier at Cal if they knew what happened. They said everything was going to be alright when they got back, but they never said outright that he was vanquished, so I'm not sure what to think. I think that he's still out there somewhere, and at some points I feel like I'm not alone- not in the "you have friends way," but in the "Big Brother is watching way."_

_When I get out of here, I don't know if I want to go back to school. What's the point anyway? I think I should get paid for saving the world on a regular basis; that would work out just fine. _

_Crap._

_Of course, if I do go back to school, I still have Parker to worry about. I'm sure he's upped the interest rate since I've been away. Maybe I can just project him into the slimy rat he really is. And then there's Cal. I don't think I can stand seeing him every day, every class, for weeks on end. Maybe I'll transfer out of his classes. But I don't want him to think he has any control over me. I'll figure it out, hopefully._

_I'll figure it all out, and I don't have to do it on my own anymore. _

_ -Billie_

_Oh, P.S: Once I get out of here, it's extremely likely that I'll never write in this thing again._

**Fin. **

**Watch out for the sequel, coming at you in about a week. Reviews? Why yes, thank you!**


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